Title: Pretty Pink Ribbons
Author: K.L. Grayson
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Release Date: March 24, 2015
Cover Design: Perfect Pear Creative Covers
Synopsis
Dying . . .
Dead . . .
Deceased . . .
I need to tell him I love him more than life itself. I need to feel the strength of his arms wrapped around me just one more night. Most of all, I need him to forgive me.
Eight years ago I broke the heart of the only man I’ve ever loved and today I’m moving home in hopes that he’ll let me put it back together. I’m not sure how many breaths I have left, but I’ll use each and every last one fighting for what I destroyed.
My name is Laney Jacobs and this is my journey.
Prologue
“Levi?”
Her soft voice rings through the bar, effectively kicking my heart
rate up a couple hundred notches, and I take a deep breath. This is
what she does to me. When she’s around, my entire universe shifts
and I know—I
know—that
this woman is it for me.
“Coming.” I rush to light the last of
the candles, taking a quick inventory to make sure I didn’t forget
anything. I’ve known for several months that Laney is different …
special. But the other night when her warm body was curled up in my
arms, head tucked under my chin, I realized just how perfectly she
fits. And not just with me, but into my life.
A loud thud followed by a faint “shit”
catches my attention and I run across the patio, through the door,
toward the dining room. “You okay in here?”
Laney is bent over, rubbing her knee. She
lifts her head and her dark hair slides away from her face, putting
her hazel eyes—the eyes that I love—on display. Her nose crinkles
and she cocks her head. “Why is it so dark in here? You know I’m
afraid of the dark.” I laugh, bending down to inspect her knee.
“Are you laughing at me, Mr. Beckford?” I glance up in time to
see a sly grin split her face and I return it before focusing my
attention back on the bruise that is now marring her flawless skin.
Leaning forward, my lips graze her knee and she sighs, threading her
delicate fingers through my hair. “When you act all sweet like
this, it’s hard to be mad at you for laughing at me.”
I look up and she places a soft kiss
against my lips. “I have a surprise for you,” I whisper, pulling
away, knowing good and well what her sweet innocent kisses can turn
into. Sliding a hand along her back, the other under her knees, I
lift her off the ground and she squeals, wrapping her arms around my
shoulders. Burying her face in my neck, she starts peppering kisses
along my jaw.
“I
love surprises.” Her voice is low and sexy as shit, and if she says
one more word, I’m certain we won’t make it out to the patio.
Soft lips encircle my earlobe and she nips it playfully before
sucking the sensitive flesh into her mouth. I swat her ass and she
moans, the vibrations sending a rush of blood straight to my dick.
Fuck
… the things this woman does to me.
Stopping
in front of the patio doors, I lower her to her feet. “Close your
eyes.” Her gaze snaps to mine and her eyes widen with excitement
before she slaps a hand over her eyes. Gripping her free hand in
mine, I gently lead her across the threshold into the warm summer
air.
I
couldn’t have asked for a better night to do this. My dad closed
Flame for the weekend to celebrate my cousin’s wedding so we have
the entire restaurant to ourselves, and the weather is absolutely
perfect. I blow out a slow breath, hoping that this perfect night
gets a little bit more perfect when I tell Laney just how much she
means to me. “Open your eyes.”
She
smiles wide, her sparkling white teeth lighting up her face. Her hand
remains locked across her eyes and I can’t help but laugh. “Laney.”
I tug at her arm, but she doesn’t budge. “Open your eyes.”
“Wait,”
she laughs, pushing me away with her free hand. “I’m prolonging
the moment. I haven’t had a surprise since I was seven years old
and my mom bought me a Cabbage Patch doll for my birthday.” Laney’s
smile falters and something inside of me clenches. Laney doesn’t
have a lot of memories of her mom, and she has even fewer good
memories of her dad. “It wasn’t even new.” I stood there, my
hands hovering at my sides, at a complete loss for words. “I think
she got it from a garage sale, but I didn’t care … I loved that
doll.”
Stepping
toward her, I lace my fingers around the back of her neck, drawing
her to me. “Laney, I didn’t—”
“No.”
She buries her covered face in my chest and takes a deep breath.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry I got carried away. I’m just really
excited for your surprise, even if it’s nothing … I’m not
saying it’s nothing, but if it was, I’d still be just as
excited.” She pauses, pulling away from me. “Wait. That didn’t
come out right.”
My
hand glides down her back and I pull her to my chest. I want to spend
the rest of my life making her happy. Logically, I know it’s way
too early to talk about marriage, what with the both of us still in
college, but the thought lingers in the back of my head. “I know
what you meant.” She nods and I kiss the top of her head. “I’m
going to give you lots of surprises, Laney.” She nods again. “I’m
going to spoil you rotten. I promise, one of these days you’ll be
sick of surprises.”
She
lifts her face as though she is looking for a kiss, but her hand is
still covering her eyes and she isn’t anywhere close to my mouth. I
grin. She looks so damn cute with her pouty pink lips puckered and
ready. “Where’s your mouth?” she huffs, lifting up on her toes.
“Levi?” Slipping my arm under her butt, I lift her up and she
instinctively wraps her legs around my waist. Gripping the back of
her head in my palm, I guide her smiling face toward mine and her
lips part, granting me access. Our tongues collide, sliding and
pushing against one another. Kissing Laney is like getting a taste of
heaven. If she’d let me, I’d probably spend most of my days
walking around with my lips connected to her in some way, shape, or
form.
“Can
I have my surprise now?” she mumbles against my mouth, biting at my
bottom lip. I groan and she smiles against my mouth, knowing good and
well what she’s doing to me. “Did that turn you on?” She
waggles her eyebrows above her hand, her knowing smile completely
infectious. If her eyes were open, I’d adamantly deny any such
thing. But they’re closed so I smile back, loving this playful side
of her.
“Nope.”
“No?”
“Not
even a little.”
She
tries to pull back and my arms lock around her middle and she
giggles. The most perfect sound in the entire world. “I don’t
believe you.” She wiggles her free hand between us until she finds
the swollen bulge busting at the zipper of my jeans, causing her to
burst into full-on laughter. “I knew it. I
knew it.
Good God, you’re easy.” I have no comeback because she’s right.
This girl can fucking breathe on me and I’ll get hard.
“What
do you expect? You’re fucking gorgeous, Lane.” I run my nose up
the side of her neck and back down. Her laughing morphs to giggling
and she scrunches up her shoulders when I suck on the spot just below
her ear. How easily she forgets that I know how to make her squirm
too. “What’s a man supposed to do? You’ve got these perfect
tits rubbing all up on me.” My hand roams up her side, my fingers
grazing the outside of her breast. She’s no longer laughing … or
giggling. I inch my hand up a little bit higher, tangling my fingers
in her hair. Wrapping her dark waves around my hand, I give a firm
tug and her head leans back, a small whimper falling from her lips.
But I know my girl and that was not a whimper of pain. I just turned
the fucking tables.
“Did
you like that, Lane?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
My cock throbs at the sight of her, skirt bunched up around her hips
and neck stretched, begging for my mouth.
“You
look turned on, Lane. How turned on are you?” My nose slides down
her neck until my lips hit the swells of her breasts and her breath
hitches.
“A
five. I’m a five.” Bullshit, she’s a five. Letting go of her
hair, I slip my fingers in the top of her shirt, yanking it down.
Laney’s breast pops free, her nipple tightening when it meets the
warm breeze. My mouth waters at the sight and I lean down to suck her
sensitive bud into my mouth. My tongue swirls and my teeth nip, and
within seconds she is writhing against me.
“A
five, huh?” I blow on her wet nipple and she moans.
“I
hate you,” she pants. “A ten. I’m a ten.” Her eyes flutter,
but I’m not quite done with her yet.
“Did
I tell you to open your eyes?” I swat her ass and she grinds into
me, shaking her head furiously. “You haven’t seen your surprise
yet. Do you want your surprise?” She squeezes her eyes shut and
nods.
“Is
it you? Can I have you?” Her words slam into me and suddenly our
little game is so much more. “I just want you.” That last part
sounded more like a plea and my throat constricts. I can’t wait any
longer. I need to tell her … she needs to know.
I
push down on her hip, and she reluctantly untangles her legs and
slides to the ground. I fix her shirt and attempt to adjust her bra.
She laughs at my awkward movements and reaches up with her free hand
to help. When her clothes are righted, I entwine our fingers,
bringing her hand up to my mouth.
“You
have me, Lane.” I kiss her knuckles and she takes a step toward me.
“I’m already yours.”
“Levi?
There’s something—”
“Wait.”
I press a finger to the center of her mouth. “Open your eyes first,
Lane.” She obeys and I spin her around. Her mouth drops open on a
gasp, her hand flying to her mouth.
“Oh
my God.” She turns to look at me, and then back to the patio, then
back to me. “Levi,” she sighs. “This is … it’s … you did
all of this?” Her golden eyes glitter under the pale moonlight.
“I
wanted to do something special for you. It’s not much, but—”
Laney
turns, stepping into me. She grips the collar of my shirt with her
manicured hands and pulls my face close to hers. “What do you mean
not
much?”
She glances over her shoulder and my eyes follow, taking in what
she’s seeing.
Flame
sits on the banks of the Mississippi River and the patio overlooks a
wide expanse of rippling water, providing a magnificent view of the
Arch riverfront. Lanterns are strung along the railing, emitting a
soft ethereal glow, and a round table is tucked in the corner adorned
with her favorite flowers.
Laney’s
grip loosens on my shirt and she twists around, taking off toward the
table. “You made me dinner?” She lifts the silver cover that’s
hiding one of the plates, then quickly replaces it. She turns to me
with a brilliant smile. “My favorite.” I nod, watching her reach
toward the bouquet of Calla lilies. She pulls one from the bunch and
raises it to her nose. Her eyes close and she sniffs, her entire
chest rising and falling on a slow inhale. Her face is the perfect
picture of serenity.
This
is it … here’s my cue.
“Laney?”
I stand in front of her and she smiles, slowly peeling open her
eyelids. My heart is pounding against my ribcage, and if my palms get
any sweatier, I’ll be embarrassed to touch her. Come
on, Levi, do it.
The words are stuck in my throat, threatening to choke the shit out
of me if they don’t come out. I rub my hands along my thighs and
take a deep breath. “You like the lilies?”
What
the hell was that?
I was supposed to confess my love, not ask if she likes the damn
flowers.
She
stuffs the lily back in with the bunch and squeezes my hand. “I
love them.” Damn it. I was really hoping she was going to say ‘I
love you’
… then I wouldn’t have to be the first. Ever so gradually, she
lifts herself up and when our lips meet, something stirs inside me. I
feel like I’m home. She is my home. She kisses me softly several
times, never deepening it. “This is beautiful. It’s wonderful.”
Now
would probably be a good time to spit it out … get it off my chest.
If only I could concentrate—or breathe. I should probably breathe
first; that would be good. My lungs fill and I blow out a big breath.
“Are
you okay? Do you want to sit down?” Laney pulls me to a chair and
shoves me in it.
“I
have to tell you something,” I blurt, catching her off-guard. She
clears her throat and pulls out the chair next to me.
“I
have to tell you something too.” She looks away and then down at
her hands, which are fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. She’s
nervous. What the hell is she nervous about? I’m the one about to
lay my heart out on the line. Alas, my dad always told me ladies
first.
“You
go first.” I scoot my chair forward until our knees are touching
and she glances up at me, blinking rapidly. She wrings her hands
together, her eyes searching my face. “No.” She shakes her head
adamantly. “You planned this amazing surprise. You go first.”
“No,
really—” She shakes her head jerkily, dismissing me, and we both
sit there … staring at each other. Neither one of says a word and
the air grows thick with awkward tension.
Damn
it.
This
is not how I wanted this to go. I wanted to tell her I loved her,
hear her say it back, eat dinner and then make love to her under the
stars. But really, I just want to tell her I love her … and hear
her say it back.
Both
of us, obviously disturbed by our lack of communication, start
talking at the same time.
“I love you.”
“I got in!”
“What?” she gasps, her face beaming.
She moves closer, which is funny because suddenly I’m wanting to
move away.
“What
did you say?” My stomach hardens as a wave of nausea rolls through
me. My mind is working desperately to try and figure out what she’s
talking about, but I’ve got nothing.
“You got in?” I ask, brows furrowed.
“You got in where?”
Her eyes sparkle with excitement. I want
to be excited with her, but the pain I have gnawing inside my gut is
telling me that this is going to change everything. Her knees are
bouncing at a fast clip and she bites back a smile. “Do you
remember when I applied to the CIA?”
I nod once, vaguely remembering her
talking about some scholarship for the Culinary Institute of America.
She never said anything else about it, so I just assumed it was a
passing thought. I was wrong, obviously.
Laney loves to cook. In fact, that’s
how we met. She started to waitress and hostess for my dad at Flame,
and I bartend for him on the weekends and occasionally during the
week. She told me once that she wanted to be a chef and working in a
restaurant was her first step in that direction. I’m not going to
lie, the girl can cook. There were a few times when my dad even
pulled her back to the kitchen to help out if someone called out or
left sick.
“I got accepted, Levi.” She catapults
forward, throwing herself into my arms, but I can’t move. I’m in
shock. What is this going to mean for us? Where is the school? I
never once considered the fact that she may move. She can’t move, I
love her. “Levi? Did you hear me? I got accepted!” Her eyes are
gleaming, but for the life of me I can’t find the strength to smile
back.
“So, what does that mean?” I manage
to stutter out.
She sits up, her hands locking on mine.
“It means I get to go to college. On a full scholarship. I don’t
have to pay for anything, Levi.”
“But you’re in college.” I don’t
see what the big deal is. What can she do there that she can’t do
here? Her whole life is here. She can’t possibly think it’s a
good idea to just pick up and leave. And what about Luke? She can’t
leave Luke … she can’t leave me.
Her smile fades, the light in her eyes
dulling a fraction, and she stares at me. “I’m going to a
community college, Levi.”
“There’s nothing wrong with a
community college,” I insist.
She shakes her head. “No, there’s
not, but I’m not doing anything there. This isn’t where I want to
be.” Her words are a punch to the fucking gut and I stand abruptly,
sending my chair toppling backward. “Wait”—she reaches for me,
but I pull away—“I didn’t mean it like that.” Slowly, she
stands. “There is nothing for me here.” Another fucking punch.
“My life is going nowhere, Levi … you know this.” Jesus Christ,
screw the punch, she’s using a jagged-edge knife. I rear back at
her harsh words and she hangs her head, a tear slipping down her
flushed cheek.
Laney’s mother died of cancer when she
was ten years old, and a few months after her passing, Laney’s dad
became a raging alcoholic. Laney spent her entire childhood raising
her brother. The only good thing her poor excuse for a dad ever did
right was give Laney access to any money he ever had. I’m not sure
where he got his money, considering he could never keep a job for
longer than a few months at a time, from what Laney told me. But he
got it from somewhere, and it kept food in her and Luke’s bellies
and a roof over their heads.
“What about me, Laney?” I yell,
jamming my finger into my chest. “What? I’m nothing to you? Your
life with me won’t ever go anywhere?” My arms are held out to the
sides, but she doesn’t answer. Her head snaps up and she moves
forward.
“No.” Her voice is high and frantic.
She looks bewildered at why I would say that. “That’s not it at
all. You’re everything. You mean everything. This doesn’t mean
we’re over, it just means I’m going away to school for a while.”
My eyes lock on a barge floating slowly
down the river—what I wouldn’t give to drift away right along
with it. “Where is it? Where is the school?”
“St. Helena … California.”
My eyes snap to hers. “California?”
She nods and my stomach twists. “When would you leave?”
“The semester starts in six days. There
was a last-minute cancellation … that’s how I got in. That’s
why it’s so sudden.”
Tears are swimming in her eyes, but that
does nothing to subdue the anger that is boiling up inside me. She
bites down on her bottom lip, a small quiver taking root in her chin,
and I grip my hair tightly, spinning away from her. “Christ,
Laney,” I growl, my voice echoing into the empty night.
As
hurt as I am by what she’s just told me, it’s what she didn’t
say that’s bothering me the most. Those three little words that I
was dying to tell her were not reciprocated and that slices right
through me. Did she even hear me say it?
“This doesn’t have to change
anything.” I can feel her body behind me, the familiar scent of her
perfume wafting through the air. I hang my head in defeat. What am I
going to do if I can’t see her every day? She has become my life. I
go to bed thinking about her, I wake up thinking about her … hell,
I probably even dream about her.
Not
to mention, she’s bound to get noticed. A girl like her catches the
eye of every hot-blooded male within a five-mile radius. I’m going
to go insane not being able to be there, and it very well might kill
me not knowing who she is talking to or what she’s doing at any
given time. And when am I going to see her? It’s not like either
one of us can afford to travel back and forth.
“This changes everything.” There has
to be somewhere closer for her to go to culinary school. This can’t
be the only option. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to be
away from you.”
Her eyes soften, but something about that
pisses me off. Reaching out, she grips my forearm and gives it a
gentle squeeze. I don’t pull away, mostly because something inside
of me is screaming that this may be the last time we touch. “It’s
only for a couple of years. I have
to do this, Levi.”
“I can’t do a couple of years.” My
words come out surprisingly calm considering I’m about two seconds
away from punching the goddamn wall.
Her hand falls from my arm as she takes a
step back. “What do you mean you can’t do a couple of years?”
Her words are slow and careful.
I need her to pick me. I need her to pick
us.
If she just gives us a chance—a real chance—one where she isn’t
thousands of miles away, we can make this work. I just need to finish
school, then we can work at getting her into culinary school and I’ll
happily follow her wherever she wants to go. If she leaves now, we’ll
never make it. I won’t survive it. Jesus, I probably sound like a
fucking pussy, but I need
her.
When she’s not around, I feel like I can’t even breathe. Right
now I need to know that she feels the same way about me. I close my
eyes and take a deep breath.
When I look up, big doe eyes are watching
me … waiting. As much as I want to pull her to me and tell her
everything is going to be okay, I can’t. My stomach clenches hard
and tight as rejection and a ton of other emotions that I can’t
even name rip through my body. “If you leave” —I glance over
her shoulder, unable to look her in the eye— “we’re over.”
“You don’t mean that?” She lunges
toward me, but I step back. Tears streak down her face and my hands
itch to make this right, to somehow make it work.
“But I do.”
She sobs, frantically wiping the tears
from her face. “We can make this work. You’re making this into so
much more than it is. Please, Levi, you have to understand that this
is my chance to get out of this town and start a new life.”
“A life without me.”
“No,” she says, shaking her head
vehemently.
“Really?” I yell, throwing my hands
out to the side.
“How
do you suggest we make it work? You won’t be able to afford to fly
home, and I can’t afford to fly to California.” Her mouth snaps
shut. She knows I’m right. “What are we going to do, talk on the
phone every night? Sure, that might work in the beginning, but what
happens when school starts to get busy and those calls start getting
missed? What happens when I start wondering where you are and who
you’re spending time with? Or vice versa … what if you start
wondering where I am or who I’m with?”
Laney crosses her arms over her chest.
She’s frustrated. Good, so am I. “You don’t trust me?” she
scoffs. “You think I’m going to go away to school and just forget
about you … forget about us?”
“I don’t know, Laney, you tell me!”
Adrenaline is coursing through my body. My lungs are heaving, my
heart racing.
“I trust you, Levi.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t.” I
don’t mean it. I don’t. But I’m hurt, and this is what fucking
happens when I’m hurt. I’m stubborn as hell and I feel the need
to hurt back, which judging by the look on her face, I hit my mark.
Her eyes are like daggers shooting
straight through me, but I don’t budge. “So what’s it going to
be, Laney?”
“You want me to choose? You want me to
give up my dreams, my one chance to get out from under my dad?”
It kills me that I’m doing this to her.
Lord knows I don’t want to give her an ultimatum, but I know me,
and I know I can’t do long distance. I know that if she just
chooses me, I’ll move heaven and earth to make every fucking dream
of hers come true. “Yes. I’m asking you to choose.”
Laney’s hand covers her face. Her
shoulders bob several times as soft cries float from her mouth. A few
minutes pass and then she straightens her back, wipes the remaining
tears from her face, and looks at me sadly. “I’m sorry.” She
hiccups on another sob and her shoulders hunch forward. “I’m so
sorry, but I have to do this, Levi.”
Her words slam into me like a freight
train. My mind goes blank, everything around me dissipating into a
mass of emptiness. Without thinking, I reach for the vase and hurl it
across the patio. Hand-painted glass shatters against the wooden
deck, sending two dozen Calla lilies into the air. A faint scream
echoes through the air, but my mind blocks it out as I grab one plate
and then the other, slamming them into the side of the restaurant. A
loud roar rips from my lungs, echoing through the quiet summer night.
“Levi, please.” A shaky hand touches
my arm and I whip around, wrenching free from her grip. The sight of
her tear-streaked face rips open my heart and infiltrates my soul, a
place that I will never allow another woman to ever go again. I can
feel large steel walls slam down around my heart, effectively closing
it off.
My eyes fall on hers, which are full of
fear and anxiety. I don’t want to scare her. That wasn’t my
intention, but she hurt me. And I’ve already been hurt by another
woman, one who walked away from me without a second glance. Chose a
different life … one I didn’t fit into. Unfortunately, I was only
twelve and didn’t know not to trust and love another woman again.
Well, this time I’m older, wiser, and I’ll learn from my
mistakes.
Swallowing hard, I turn to look at the
destruction my anger left behind. Closing my eyes, I grip my hands
behind my neck, tilting my head up to the sky. “You need to leave.”
My voice is soft … resigned.
“Levi, plea—”
“GO,” I snap, just wanting her gone.
She doesn’t say another word. I’m not sure how much longer she
stands there, but I know the minute she walks away because she takes
my heart with her.
About The Author
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